By: Amanda Gochez
It’s been a sentimental week for me. I’ve been struggling with different aspects of my ideas for writing and it’s weighing. I forget why I love writing and what made me write in the first place. I would think every writer has this issue. It’s not like you don’t have material to write. The ideas are there! The words are there waiting to come out and stain that lined paper, but sometimes the heart doesn’t give you the motivation to do it. It is maddening! Is it because we are losing the spark the made us write to begin with?
I don’t think so. I think every day life weighs us down to the point where something we love doing so much ends up becoming a chore after a long day of adulting. I say adulting because it’s the one word that wraps up bill paying, debit card declines, email hacks, broken phones, bad days at work, or just whatever else the week throws at you. Then I remember the one thing that always makes my heart’s mind light up like an electrical storm and it makes me want to write until every bolt of lightning is on paper!
Everyone has that moment of realization. You know, the moment where you tell yourself, “It’s this! I want to do this for the rest of my life.” You could have this moment when your five or when your fifty-five, life’s journey doesn’t have a set schedule. My moment for falling in love with words was when I was twelve. I didn’t have time to read much do to extra-curricular activities. One day, a book fair was at school and I wanted to read something. After pacing the floor, I picked a book with a couple on the cover embracing each other watching the sunset. I ended up choosing “How Do I Love Thee” by Lurlene McDaniel. It was beautiful from the very beginning. The first page was a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning called “How Do I Love Thee,” which ended up being my favorite poem. The book has three stories, and all of them are about young teenage love and what extent the heart will go to for that person-for their person. I remember feeling that I wanted the love the characters had, and it made me let out a big dreamy teenage sigh when I thought about it.
I didn’t know it then, but looking back, that book gave me that spark. It ignited passion for writing poetry for my twisted teenage years, got me through my college years when I needed a break from class, and now I read that book when I’ve realized my heart’s mind is sinking. Sometimes, I feel the little spark that makes you so excited to write gets muddled by stress, depression, anxiety, heartbreak, exhaustion, and something you held so dearly to your heart- you’ve let drown.
It happens. But, I ask you to think of that moment. The moment where your heart’s mind knew this is what it needed to be completely utterly happy. Mine is when I read, “How Do I Love Thee,” the book or the poem. Both remind me of why I fell in love with romance and why I write about it today. I fell in love with beautiful words and beautiful love not the stress of life. So, now that the little spark is back, and the passion isn’t darkened by “adulting,” my words and ideas flow.
What’s in your heart’s mind? What was your moment?